Thursday, February 13, 2014

Parenting Tip: Ending Every Discipline Time Positively

After a consequence or a conflict time, it's important to have a Positive Conclusion. It's usually best to talk about what the child did wrong, why it was wrong, and help the child develop a plan for next time. After that discussion, end the whole discipline by saying something like, "Okay, go ahead and try again."

An affirming statement at the end says, "I believe in you. Yes, you're going to make mistakes, there are consequences but we can debrief and learn together." This gives your child the confidence to try again. This kind of ending essentially says to a child that you believe in him, that we all make mistakes, and you know that he now has what it takes to make a right choice next time.

This kind of ending is similar to the way that Jesus ended the conversation with the woman caught in adultery. He said, "Go and sin no more." That's the kind of statement we want to make to our children. Go and try again.

Start this kind of Positive Conclusion with children as young as two years old. They may not be able to answer all the questions and, of course, you'll want to keep it short. But take time to hug and affirm a young child recognizing that the way you correct at two builds patterns for ways that you'll correct at five or fifteen.

With older children, take the time necessary to discuss issues and work to bring discipline times around to a Positive Conclusion. If the child is unwilling to respond you may need to take a break but don't just let it go. Teach young people that we continue to work on conflict until it's resolved. That's not easy sometimes but if you work hard on it now you'll be giving your child a gift that will be used later in life as well.

This parenting tip is from the book, Home Improvement by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.

[Blog post found at]

Thursday, February 6, 2014

New Song: My God

Parents, here is a new song that CapCity Kidz will be learning on Sunday! It is a very powerful song and has a very catchy tune -- listen along and you'll be singing it all day!

The motions are the same as I'll be teaching -- so if your kids want to get a jump start on it, go for it!

Looking forward to singing this on the next 5th Sunday, March 30!!

Let me know what you think!

Loving and serving your kids --

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Parenting Tip: The Truth about Lying

Deception is a term we use to describe a number of kinds of dishonest words or actions. Lying is only one piece of the bigger puzzle. Some people define lying as saying something that is not true, but we believe lying has more to do with the intent of the speaker. The person who reports inaccurate information is just mistaken unless he intends to deceive. We believe that lying is best defined this way:

Lying is stating something, either written, oral, or with other signals, with the intent to mislead.

In other words, lying has two components: 1) a statement of one kind or another, and 2) the intent to mislead.

If your son says, “There are no more chocolate chips,” to deceive you because he wants to sneak some into his backpack, then he’s lying. If he says, “There are no more chocolate chips,” as a joke because you need another cup for the cookies and he is teasing you, that’s okay as long as he’s just playing a game. Children need to understand the difference between these two types of scenarios and realize that they can’t change their minds about the intent after they say the words.

This brings us to an interesting problem. Sometimes when children are caught lying they will say, “I was just joking,” or “I didn’t really mean it.” They know that this would be a viable excuse. Children need to understand that the difference between joking and lying has to do with intent and with whether or not they are believed. We need to be careful when we tease or joke. If you have a problem with lying in your home you may want to discontinue that kind of teasing for a while.

This parenting tip comes Chapter 8 in the book, Good and Angry, Exchanging Frustration for Character In You and Your Kids by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN. The chapter is entitled "Honesty: Giving the Gift of Integrity."

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Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Parenting Tip: Should I Change My Mind?

When parents say no, sometimes children choose to argue and plead their case. In the interaction parents can learn new information that persuades them to change their minds. Unfortunately during the dialogue children may treat parents with disrespect and be downright mean. Parents then must decide whether to change their mind or not.

Changing your mind isn't always bad but you need to make a distinction for your child between the new information and the process of how you got it, "I would like to change my mind here, but I'm feeling uncomfortable with the way you're talking to me. Your arguing is not helpful in our relationship and I don't want to encourage it by changing my mind. You have a good point but your exasperated tone of voice is demanding and disrespectful."

You may choose to stick to a no answer in spite of new and persuasive information. As a parent you're not just making a decision based on information, but you're also looking at how your child presents that information, and how this child treats you and your relationship in the process. After all, character is more important than the decision.

This parenting tip comes from the book, Good and Angry: Exchanging Frustration for Character in You and Your Kids, by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.

Blog post taken from this site.